[.uk] What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don't Tell Each Other ... (ISBN 0743286316)

a magazine article stretched into a book:
While I think this is an interesting topic, Pryor's anecdotes are pretty one note and lack depth. She tells the same story over and over again in the same way and adds a few personal details about each woman-they're an actress you may have heard of! a successful executive who drops by to show off their fancy new car! a woman from Georgia who was part of a clique that had a silly name! (just like the ya ya sisterhood)in order to add some life and definition to them. Most of these details ring false and there isn't any insight into friendships breaking up just "wow, it's painful". The most enlightening story in the book is about the author herself; after befriending a woman whose daughter was in the same ballet class, the author decided to end the friendship and iced her without telling her why, completely stopped talking to her and wouldn't return her calls. Four years later the girls end up at the same school and on the first day of school the author decides now would be a good time to renew the acquaintance, she says she is just trying to be civil but really, she didn't need the woman before and now she does (new school, new cliques of parents)so she approaches her as though nothing had ever happened and is shocked when the woman is rude to her and wants nothing to do with her. Shocked to the point of calling her and confronting her. Basically "get out of my life I don't need you, oh wait, now I do because otherwise this will be awkward for me". I think I would rather read the other woman's book, she may actually have some self awareness, the author does not.

Loss of a friend - found a book that helped!:
The sudden loss of a long-time friend (her choice not mine) got me to research Amazon.com and see if I could find a book that would help me to survive this experience. I got the book and began reading it - Liz Pryor's style of writing was easy to follow and a quick read. She addressed all sorts of friendship breakups, not just the ones that avoid and disappear from your life. As she points out, there is more sympathy and understanding with boyfriend/girlfriend breakups and divorce than there is for a loss of a friend. Lack of guidelines, lack of acknowledgement concerning the importance of friends, adds to this.... the loss of a friend is a huge loss. I have been divorced and experienced a seminar that lasted 10 weeks to get people past the first year of loss a bit quicker and offered lessons to work through, things to ponder, and discuss with the group - what is offered when you loose a friend - nada - not much on the internet either - except for Ms. Pryor's website. I felt consoled while reading her book. I have had several friendships that went by the wayside - and not my choice. Had Ms. Pryor's book been written then I would have had more knowledge and maybe approached the disappearing friend more. I am well aware that you cannot make people love you - but it is amazing how a friendship can end and you have no say in discussing it - resolving whatever the issue is - it is just gone. All we can do is handle the loss the best we can - and read Ms. Pryor's book to help us get through the pain. I highly recommend her book to anyone who has experienced a loss of a friend when you did not want it to happen; or need guidance on how to end a friendship that is not working for you. Other books you may want to read also are Jan Yager, Ph.D's "Friendshifts" and "When Friendship Hurts".

This Book Could not have Said it Any Better:
Like most people, we see a title of a book and it says something to us, and that makes us pick it up. I saw the title of this book and instinctively picked it up and read it the same day; crying through most of it because I too was going through the same type of situation with a friend. The book hits the nail on the head with its various stories of how friendships, however solid we think they are, for whatever reason fail because of lack of communication, misunderstandings, or someone just not wanting to be your friend anymore. And how those ending make us feel about ourselves and our ability to move on and try again, or stay crippled in fear/anger about letting anyone into our lives again for fear of being hurt/betrayed again. But more importantly, it does address how sad and heartbreaking it is to lose a friend and feel that you cannot talk to anyone about it (I think the author or one of the people interviewed mentioned that). This book makes it a bit easier to deal with the loss of a friend. Highly recommended to anyone dealing with friendship issues that they cannot understand, this book helps.

It made me think:
This book was a very quick read. It made me think and feel a lot better about some of the friendships in my life that fell through.

Lots of anecdotes, but left with lots of questions:
Through mostly anecdotes from meetings with many women, both friends and strangers, Liz Pryor's book delves into the black hole subject of what happens when a friendship between two women just dissolves, most often citing the cases where friendships just end without much explanation. As she states, it is a subject that doesn't get much attention in literature or psychology in our culture, is almost taboo or considered shameful, and when advice is given in articles, it usually recommends such deceptive things as acting busy, not answering the door, making excuses, and avoidance in general. Yet at a baby shower one afternoon, Pryor just blurts it out: how many of you here have had a friendship end suddenly and seemingly for no reason? (not her exact words, but a paraphrase). She asks the question because it has been eating at her for many weeks, this feeling that she has a long string of friendships that were once so wonderful and connecting, but are now a mere memory. What she finds at the shower is that once the genie is out of the bottle, the women almost can't wait to tell their own stories of friendships gone sour, of wistful memories of a wonderful friendship now no longer, of the feeling, "What did I do wrong?" From this afternoon conversation, she decides to wade into the subject and write a book. Told from both the perspective of the one left and the one doing the leaving, the book recounts anecdote after anecdote of women's experiences with the subject. One subject tells of feeling smothered by her son's playmate's mom who expects more of the friendship than she does. Other tales involve redemption of sorts at the end, when old friends do reconnect and apologies are given, sometimes giving birth to a renewed friendship and other times, just allowing for some closure to both parties. I found the book to be interesting, reassuring, and nuturing. But there were a few things about the book that I didn't like. For one, at page 33, Pryor continues to set the premise for why she wrote the book, and that seemed repetitive to me. At page 33, I was expecting to get into the meat of the book, not still be reading why and how she wrote it. Hence, the book seemed to ramble at times, peppered here and there with trite quotes that oftentimes had little connection to the point being made. For another, it didn't meet my expectations regarding why things go wrong. This book did stay true to its lesser title: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over. Most of the anecdotes told of confusion and avoidance without explanation. However, it did not provide much in the way of answers as to what the reader may have "done wrong", as the title suggests. There were numerous tales recounted by those doing the terminating of the relationship which told some of the subtle reasons they ended the friendship; but I would have liked to have seen a chapter devoted specifically to the subject of WHY which I felt could have provided readers with wisdom going forward in their relationships, for instance, citing "the 8 most common reasons women terminate a friendship". Finally, I found myself almost jealous of Pryor: here she is, writing about the devastation of losing a good friend, and citing her own case of her good friend Lila who ended their friendship without warning when, all around her, are what sound to me like other good, supportive friends rallying around her. While every friend is a treasure, it sounded to me like Pryor had many many good friends. This doesn't diminish the sadness she felt for missing Lila, but had me wondering things like why is it that I have only a few close friends myself, and does it hurt more when you only have a few and lose one? If you have *lots* of close friends, as it sounds in Pryor's case, are the friendships really all that deep or close? I just couldn't relate to her own experience, I guess. I think Pryor's objective was to provide solace, comraderie, and reassurance that women's friendships are important and life changing, providing support in ways that no other bond can. I think she succeeded in this regard. And if that is what a reader is looking for, then this book may fit the need. I found it reassuring to know that I am not alone in my abandonment by a friend.